Like many people, I always feel sentimental at this time of year. Whilst the atmosphere fills with the magic of a Christmas yet to be had, and the promise of a brand-new year, I feel thoughtful for all the ones that have already passed us by. This year’s John Lewis advert hasn’t helped either… if you know, you know, but it just has me feeling all of the emotions, and all of them at once.
Nostalgia, yearning, comfort… for all the past versions of myself, and of my family, and for all that’s changed over the years. The wins, the failures, the things we never get around to, the things we wish we could make more time for.
Have you ever experienced a moment so fulfilling that you wish with every fibre of your being that time would just slow down? The sometimes big, but oftentimes small moments that completely take your breath away.
As I get older (I totally get the irony of saying this at the ripe old age of 27), I feel truly overwhelmed by how fast time goes. I’m starting to really appreciate what people mean when they say that the days are long, but the years are short. How much of the last year have you spent with the mindset ‘I’ve just got to get through these next few weeks’? Life is pressured but it’s also precious, and how are you possibly supposed to soak up all the precious joy when you can barely get a chance to stop and think? I suppose it’s an age-old question.
I was looking for inspiration the other day, and stumbled across my blog post from the end of 2020. And I was overwhelmed at how much life has changed in those four, short years.
Oh, to have the foresight of all the reasons why you shouldn’t take, what feel like the small moments at the time, for granted. Because what I’d give to relive one of those days in the garden during lockdown, all together with my family, drinking, having fun, listening to music in the sunshine. Pure joy.
Don't get me wrong, I love where I am in life right now with my whole heart, but it’s weird to think there was one night where me and my siblings, and my parents, last stayed under the same roof together in our family home. Last woke up on Christmas morning & did our routine of Dad going downstairs to check if Father Christmas had been… and him always joking that one of us must have been naughty because there were only two piles of presents. There was a very last time, and we didn’t have a clue.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it can feel emotionally complicated when the life you once knew starts splintering off in lots of different directions… when you and your siblings don’t live under the same roof anymore, and your lives that have felt parallel for decades suddenly meander in completely different directions. None of them bad, most of them magical, but it just feels different. Especially at this time of year. But in the ambiguity of all of those emotions, grasp tightly to the hope of all the new memories that you will keep on making, and the new traditions that you are yet to create, both together and apart… and feel nostalgia and comfort in knowing that parts of your new traditions will always overlap with the ones that your mum and dad started all those years ago. Because they are simply part of your DNA and always will be.
For me, having these moments of reflection at the end of the year, gives me that bit of perspective back. Perspective that gets easily lost when you’re tying yourself in knots trying to just get through the year. It’s my way of keeping my feet rooted firmly on the ground, and my heart in the right place. And there is just something about the hope and promise that a brand-new year holds, that makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.
Living in the moment isn’t something that comes easily to me. I’m not spontaneous. I’m an over thinking, people pleaser who likes to be prepared for all eventualities. But I’ve acknowledged something in myself this last year… I really find it difficult to just be in the moment and be present enough to enjoy myself while life is happening around me. I’m an “I wish I’d appreciated that more at the time” type of person.
And so, this year I’ve made a conscious effort to remind myself in those exact moments to soak it all up… the pure joy. Take a step back, a deep breath and take a snapshot of how I feel. Be more present because time really does go so fast.
I think it’s easy to look back on a year that has gone by so fast and think it was low-key or like nothing much happened, but as I trawled through the corners of my mind, this year I have felt truly rich.
My richness has absolutely nothing to do with money, and everything to do with the sheer value of the people around me and the memories that we’ve made. The big moments and small moments that when I look back on them, they take my breath away…
Spending NYE with my parents for the first time in about a decade
Seeing my 1 month old nephew for the first time since he was born and singing Harry styles to him
Drinking port and eating tiramisu in a pizzeria in Lisbon with my love
Watching how much joy the smallest things (sticks, toys, cuddles) bring to Reg
Living in a campervan with my boys and seeing the St Ives coast line for the first time
Finding out that we're going to have another little nephew
Having the time of my life at the Eras tour with the best girls in the world
Watching my sister say yes to the dress
Playing the curtain game with a Charlie and watching him belly laugh his little socks off
I won’t lie, life has felt different in 2024 and like a lot is changing, but my god has it felt special. And I’ve got a sneaky feeling that 2025 will raise the stakes even higher.
So yes, the years will keep going by, the world will keep turning, and there’s literally nothing we can do to slow it down. But if we’re lucky enough, we’ll get to keep doing these trips round the sun with the people we love most.
And my promise to myself in 2025 is to live more thoughtfully, and more gratefully, and most importantly, more presently. Acknowledge the moments when they’re happening & feel all of the overwhelming emotions that come along with them... let them take your breath away.
As the saying goes “you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone”… but in fact, I know exactly what I’ve got and I’m grateful for every second of it.
Wishing everyone a new year filled with joy, gratitude, and moments that truly take your breath away.
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